Going Postal

Good morning! Please come in and have a seat. Allow us to introduce ourselves. This is Alex, the postmaster for this office. Over here we have Sherrita, our district Human Resources Manager. They will be observing this interview process and determining if you meet the criteria for employment with the United States Postal Service. We received your application information for the rural carrier position and are pleased to announce that you have passed both the online personality test and the Postal Service Exam 473. We are here today to conduct one final test, where we will be interviewing you and presenting you with some decisions that you may face throughout a typical day in your employment as a friendly neighborhood rural carrier. Please answer carefully, as each decision can have important consequences for your prospective carrier with USPS. To begin, let's start off with something easy to break the ice. Go ahead and introduce yourself to us and tell us your name. Name: (input: bind $name) [[This is ridiculous. My name is on the application and besides I already passed your written test. You know most of the idiots you people hire just look up the answeres online. They're posted all over youtube.]] Provide your name first and [[Take the test]].

Fantastic! Let's begin with a scenario. You arrive at the office cheerful and happy with a full cup of coffee in your hand. It seems like you might be early so you lay back in your seat and finish sipping your coffee. As you step out of your vehicle you hear a soft cry coming from between the cars next to you. As you walk over and look between the two cars you notice a woman laying on the ground. Her face is badly bruised with a large cut on her forehead. She introduces herself as Mrs. Smith. Mrs. Smith informs you that she was trying to drop off a package to be mailed to her grandson last night when she tripped over the cement bumper block. She has been laying on the ground since last evening. You call 911 and tell Mrs. Smith that you need to go inside and get started on your work. Mrs. Smith asks if you can stay with her until the ambulance arrives. [[Stay with Mrs. Smith]]. [[Go inside so you aren't late]].

I'm sorry you feel that way. Applicants who are not selected from the application process are not allowed to apply to any other position within USPS for two years following a failed attempt. I hope this information is helpful in narrowing down your future career choices.

Excellent $name may we [[begin]]?

We will not tolerate hostility here! We take our hiring process seriously. If you continue this behavior we will not continue the interview process. If you do not wish to continue with the application process, please let us know now so that we can continue on with our other important tasks. If you would like to behave more appropriately we can begin again. [[Begin]] again. [[forget this mess]].

As you wait with Mrs. Smith she asks if you can help her sit up. After helping her sit up she tells you she thinks she may have broken her right arm when she fell and asks if you can fill out the information on the package and take it into the processing area. She wanted to mail the package last night but now she is worried that the package will not arrive for her grandson’s birthday in time. You know packages need to be processed properly but you are worried about Mrs. Smith and think that helping her with this might make her feel a little better. [[Fill out the package but tell Mrs. Smith it needs to go through normal processing]]. [[Fill out the package and sneak it into the processing area so that the package gets to her grandson in time]]. [[Tell Mrs. Smith that you could be fired for filling out the package]].

You tell Mrs. Smith that you have to get to work. You have been late all week and if you are late one more time you will be written up or worse. Mrs. Smith lets out a scream. Mrs. Smith yells at you " $name you good for nothing worthless brat! Didn't your mother teach you to help the eldery. You mean to tell me that you're going to let an old lady sit out here for the buzzards. If I see you again this life it will be too soon. You'll understand what a fool you are one day when something like this happens to you." [[leave Mrs. Smith]]. [[stay]].

A few weeks go by and it turns out the package you helped sneak passed the screening process contained a lithium battery that caused a fire aboard one of the airlines used by USPS to help deliver mail. I'm sorry but that is an incorrect response. We appreciate you coming in to interview with us and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours. Please know you are ineligible for applying to another position within the USPS for two years following this assessment. We look forward to hearing from you again in two years.

You tell Mrs. Smith you can stay but she needs to be a little nicer to you. [[Stay with Mrs. Smith]].

You tell Mrs. Smith that it is agianst the rules for you to fill out a package for someone. Mrs. Smith responds "Are you kidding me I fell and broke my writing arm. How am I supposed to fill out this package now" [[Fill out the package but tell Mrs. Smith it needs to go through normal processing]] [[don't fill out the package]].

Our customers are very imortant to us. It is perfectly reasonable to help a customer out during a medical emergency on our property. I'm sorry but that is an incorrect response. We appreciate you coming in to interview with us and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours. Please know you are ineligible for applying to another position within the USPS for two years following this assessment. We look forward to hearing from you again in two years.

You tell Mrs. Smith that the package has to go through normal processing but you will fill out the package for her while the two of you wait. While you are filling out the package Mrs. Smith tells you "Thank goodness you showed up $name. I dont know what I what would have done if you hadn't shown up. I was starting the to worry that the ants were going to start biting. I'm going to get you something special this Christmass." [[ambulance arrives]]

While you wait for the ambulance Mrs. Smith tells you a long story about her grandson and how much the gift would have meant to him. [[ambulance arrives]]

The ambulance arrives and picks up Mrs. Smith. You wave goodbye to her and wish her a speedy recovery as you head into the office. Upon entering the mail sorting area you run into your postmaster Alex. Alex says to you "Jesus Christ well if it isn't $name. Look here eveyone $name thinks they're special. If everyone showed up to work like you we wouldn't need clocks. When you finish delivering this afternoon meet me in my office we need to discuss your professionalism." How do you respond to Alex? [[I've had just about all I can stand this morning Alex. Do your worst]]. [[Explain why you are late]].

You explain to Alex the situation that occured outside with Mrs. Smith. Alex apologizes for sounding so hostile and tells you that he understands. He asks you to try to let them know what is going on in the future so that they know if you are going to be running a little bit late. [[complete interview]].

Alex responds "Is that an attitude I'm detecting on top of everything $name. Why don't we add that to the growing list of issues we need to discuss this afternoon." Responding in an inapropriate manner can lead to confrontational communication that can result poor working relationships. I'm sorry but this is a incorrect response. We appreciate you coming in to interview with us and wish you the best of luck in your future endeavours. Please know you are ineligible for applying to another position within the USPS for two years following this assessment. We look forward to hearing from you again in two years.

Congratulations $name on completing the interview process. Alex and Sherrita have determined that you have successfully passed the interview portion of the hiring process and would like to extend a formal offer of employment to you. Please be on the lookout for an official offer in your email. It should be arriving in 3 to 4 business days. If you have any further questions please reach out to Sherrita @urconcernsgoinshredder.usps and remember neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.